The Impostor Feeling: Fear, Focus, and Forgiveness

We discuss impostor syndrome. Why do people sometimes believe they are not as competent as others perceive them? It is a familiar feeling among those newly promoted to next-level leadership roles. We will explore this feeling of self-doubt, how to settle it in yourself, and how to support team members who may experience it, too.

Transcript

Dr. D.  0:05  
Hello and welcome to the realm. I'm Dr. D, I bring the strategy.

Dr. K  0:09  
I'm Dr. K, I bring the psychology, we are business psychologists and your guides to the executive round where we bring strategy and psychology together

Dr. D.  0:18  
so you can bring your best to your C suite, your teams and your customers. So today we're talking about imposter syndrome. Why do people sometimes believe they are not as competent as others perceive them? It is a common feeling among those newly promoted to next level leadership roles, we will explore this feeling of self, how to settle it in yourself and how to support team members who may experience it themselves. Let's get to work. Dr. Kay, for most of my adult life, friends and colleagues have been sharing their sense of feeling like an imposter when they get a big promotion or a new job and begin to have fear of being discovered as a fraud. Let's talk about that.

Dr. K  0:52  
It is a very common phenomenon. You know, it was coined a phenomenon. It's one point and just so listeners out there understand why we're calling it phenomenon and not a syndrome is because it's not diagnosed, it's not something that we can diagnose and give you a code to it. So that's why we're calling it imposter phenomenon. And

Dr. D.  1:12  
so it's not a diagnosable mental condition. That's, that's

Dr. K  1:17  
exactly correct. It's not in our DSM, it doesn't have a ICD code. And it's not something that I can flip through one of my diagnostic books and go, Oh, here it is, they meet they meet all the criteria, it is definitely more an internal phenomenon that we tend to have, it is not uncommon to feel this way, people at different ages, different races, different sexual identity one Fortunately, the opportunity to feel this.

Dr. D.  1:44  
Yeah, I was reading some peer reviewed studies on the topic. This is certainly an area where you're much more comfortable than I am and talking about this, this type of emotional underpinning of the way people feel. There's some really solid research suggests that 70% of people experienced imposter syndrome at some point in their life, but it is something that pops up from time to time and people begin with that level of self doubt. And how did I get this job? How did I end up in this role? Can I really do it and feeling like they're going to be called out as an imposter. It's interesting, too, because sometimes people have the tendency during an interview process to maybe embellish just a little bit about their past experience or speak up on their positive behaviors. But setting aside some of the struggles that it took to achieve some of these successes in their career, and that well, maybe I oversold myself, maybe I did too good of a job selling my capability. And now I'm in a role that I've never done before. Boy, maybe I can't do it.

Dr. K  2:41  
Absolutely. Because I work with this a lot with a lot of clients. And like I said in a lot of different levels of their career, when someone doesn't get the validation that they're doing a good job. Or if someone comes in with any form of criticism, even if it is constructive. People tend to internalize that and think, Oh, my gosh, this isn't the job for me, how did I get this job? Where am I going to go with this, someone's going to know that I don't have the capability.

Dr. D.  3:08  
It's interesting. In my experience, having managed a lot of people and I've experienced this myself is in a new role at about the three or four month mark, and about the six month mark and about the one year mark, you start to build confidence in your new role, but something will happen that's so far outside of your control, or will kind of hit you from left field that wow, if I knew more about the job or the company I might have been able to predict and that humbling moment creep in and all of a sudden, you start to wonder, oh my goodness, do I need to leave? Yeah, am I gonna get fired? That's a very common feeling for people in leadership roles that I coach and that I've managed to even in my own team members, I've I've experienced that. I have to admit, I'm not one of those people that has had the strong feeling of imposter syndrome. I've certainly sometimes felt like I bitten off more than I can chew. But I've never felt like I was going to be found out as a fraud. So this topic is really interesting for me, because I can't say that I've experienced this in a deep way personally, but I've certainly experienced it through the lens of colleagues and team members and folks who trust me, then confide in me in their personal experiences in business,

Dr. K  4:16  
you're lucky that you haven't felt it. I have felt it before it can be a very self deprecating feeling, because no one else out there is thinking what we're thinking we're projecting onto them what we are starting to think about in ourselves. You brought up a good point when you said you know when there's this extenuating circumstance or something that's not in our control, we take that on is I should have known Well, there are a lot of circumstances that are not in someone's control, yet they internalize it that they are doing something wrong or that they don't know how to do their job or because they weren't able to come up with the quickest solution or a solution at all and someone else came up with a solution. they internalize And make that it's all me, I don't know how to do the job. And then that's where that fear of someone finding out and that fear becomes overwhelming. With that fear coming into play, what tends to happen is sometimes our performance in our job or in our role starts to weaken, because we're so busy focusing on people are gonna know that I don't know how to do my job, that we actually start not producing what we're supposed to be producing.

Dr. D.  5:26  
So self doubt creeps in, and then you become hesitant in your decision making you pull back from your job responsibilities, rather than leaning into them and taking it as a learning experience.

Dr. K  5:37  
Yes, yes. Because I do know that a lot of times people feel that they're the only ones that feel this way individuals are like, I'm the only one that feels this way. I can't tell anybody this, it is a very, very common feeling that people have. But one thing that I have personally done and I have given to my clients is when you start feeling this imposter phenomenon, or these feelings, it's where do I feel that I'm lacking, and then hone in on those skills, do some more research, see if there's any classes or anything that you can take, and I have them hone in on those skills, educate themselves more, learn more, and that is something that I do if I feel that I'm lacking somewhere, and I start having that, Oh, I'm a, I'm a therapist, I work with people, I try to figure out where I am struggling. And then I do some more research, I catch back up or I educate myself, and I feel a lot less overwhelmed. I feel now that I have more skill set

Dr. D.  6:32  
education, self education around an issue. I mean, again, I'm not the therapist here. But talking to somebody about this seems like a rational thing. The common sense, part of internalizing This is that if you feel like a fraud, if you say it as somebody is definitely going to know, but I don't think that's true. I think if you say hey, look, I'm feeling a little out of my depth, I'm learning here, I'm trying to get my feet under me, I'm trying to get better understanding of the role or that whatever it is to someone that you trust, and find somebody that you can rely on to have that conversation with to help you work through why you're feeling that way and brainstorm solutions on how to get over that where you might focus or where you might just be getting in your own way. I've had employees on my teams who with I think great courage have come to me and said, Look, I you know, you You gave me this new responsibility, you're trusting me to do the job in the right way. And I have never done this before. I don't have the skills. My answer is almost always I didn't hire you because you knew how to do it. I hired you for this because you know how to figure things out. It's the way that you approach problem solving, and the way you approach learning and your curious nature and your positive attitude that makes me believe regardless whether it's this role, or the next role, or the one beyond that, you will always be successful, because you can take the things that make you a good person and a good learner and an optimistic team builder and all of those things that support you in your professional journey that make you unique and special, you can apply those things, and you'll figure it out. And I'm here to help. And we can bring in experts on the technical details of something to learn and it's gonna take time. But the reality is, I didn't hire you, because out of the box, you can do the job, I'm hiring you because you have the skill set to be able to figure out how to do the job,

Dr. K  8:24  
the imposter feeling doesn't just if it's a Monday, you're feeling good. And then all of a sudden Tuesday, you're like, Oh, I'm an imposter these this emotion and these feelings, they start they build from something small. And then it's building on top of that something that is important, which then can lead to the negative feelings and the negative narrative, which then leads to less performance than you would like to give. And then people go into a perfectionist tendency, I've got to do it perfect. It is something that builds over time, it's like going up a hill. So it's important for people if they're struggling with something to speak to someone as quickly as long as you have someone that you feel safe to talk to. But it's important to start dealing with those worries or those concerns as quickly as possible so that they don't grow into something bigger. So it's like a snowball effect. You know, it starts off small and then it turns into this big huge avalanche if you don't take care of it sooner. So it's important for people to know these imposter feelings. They don't just happen in one day, they start to build and you want to you want to take inventory of what's going on and start working on them before they build into this imposter feeling because the imposter feeling unfortunately doesn't start in one day and doesn't end in one day with that

Dr. D.  9:39  
there are actual tools out there. Peer Reviewed research assess can help you understand if you have a tendency towards these feelings. There are some personality traits also that have been shown in research to have a high correlation with feeling this way. So there's a personality assessment called the Big Five personality tests. There's a component that assesses someone's positive or negative self view, this might not be surprising, but if someone has a tendency towards a negative self perception, they have a very high tendency to score highly on this imposter scale, it is important for you as a person to understand where your strengths are and identify where in your journey, are you going through a big change yourself, do you have self doubt that is then being reinforced by maybe something that didn't go quite the way that you wanted it to? That's when these things can really creep up and hit you hard, and really gets you to start second guessing your capability and who you are in a role that you're doing at the time.

Dr. K  10:43  
You know, I've worked with clients that have been in their jobs for years. And for whatever reason, they had to take on more roles, or you know, or maybe someone got hired at the same level as them. And they start wondering, why do we bring it in someone else? Remember, it is a psychological, emotional feeling that we have, and it can be triggered at any level, no matter how many years, I have had moments, you know, I've been a therapist for, I don't know, four or five years now. And there have been times where I'm just like, oh, gosh, you know, responsible for human lives.

Exactly. You know, I'm responsible for emotions and mental health. That's what I talked about earlier, I try to figure out where I'm feeling stuck. A lot of times, it's a stuck feeling. And I will educate myself and I read up on it, and I do some more, you know, I do more research, and I'll speak to other therapists about it and get more ideas, and then I feel safe about it. If you get stuck, or you're hitting a roadblock for whatever reason, this roadblock is out there, whether it's your own roadblock in your head, or it's an actual roadblock that someone else is putting in front of you, you hit it head on, and then it's like, where do I go? Where do I go, there's another, you know, tasks that I do or tool that I will have people write down their accolades, their accomplishments that led them to the position that they are in and with that, when I have them do that, sometimes people are like, I forgot about this, I forgot that I went from this level to this level, I forgot that I started this whole entire project, or whatever it is, that led me to get this this job role that I have, when we have this imposter feeling, we tend to just hyper focus on the negative, they're gonna find me out, they're gonna know I'm a fraud. And that's all that we can focus on forgetting that you got the job, you did things people have done things to get where they're at. So when they look back, it tends to lessen that feeling of being an imposter. And I will have clients write it down, put it somewhere where they can look at it whenever that feeling starts to creep up and said that that's been really helpful. And I have them change it as things are added into their careers. I'm sure even to CEOs of organizations that sense of with more responsibility with the responsibility for financial success, the people that report to you in your organization, the bigger that responsibility is, the bigger the opportunity of failure is the higher risk in your career, the more likely you are to feel that way. And as

Dr. D.  13:03  
a leader, whether you feel imposter syndrome or not. When somebody gets a big job role, a big change takes on some new responsibility, whether they express that they are having a feeling of imposter syndrome is surround them with positive supportive encouraging those positive accolades and those positive reassurances can go a really long way, even farther than what you might actually expect it to. With that, so Dr. K, what can someone take away from this discussion,

Dr. K  13:30  
it's remembering that 70% of people experience imposter feelings, especially after a big promotion or a new job. And remember that you one of the most important things is remembering you are not alone. Many people feel this also it is better to open up to others about this feeling that you have, whether it is talking to a family member or a really good friend or colleague. Also if necessary. If this imposter feeling is that overwhelming, talk to a therapist. That's what we are here for that way you don't have to put it out there in the open in your organization. Write down your accomplishments and your accolades to remind yourself of how and what you did to get where you are. And one of the biggest parts of that is celebrate those successes. Look at what you have done feel encouraged by it, as well as allow others to celebrate with you work on letting go with that perfectionism. Give yourself the space to learn and grow in your new responsibilities. Instead of focusing on doing it perfect focus more on the progress and less on your perceived potential failings that may happen. Remember, the role you got is not necessarily because you did the role before but because you have the skills to adapt and learn your new responsibilities. Also sometimes humbling moments happen at work and the sense of being an imposter may come back Be prepared with your social support network to work through any reoccurring feelings and for leaders. Even if you don't ever feel imposter syndrome. Remember, many of your team members and colleagues may feel that way being encouraged and supportive of people new to a role. So Dr. D with all of that, what is on tap for next week?

Dr. D.  15:06  
Well, next week, we'll be talking about psychological capital. These are the resources that people use inside themselves at work that are fundamental to job success, like resilience, optimism, hope, and personal effectiveness. This is an element of business psychology that can really help provide a framework for people to channel their strengths into sustained successful performance. So it's going to be a fun topic, and it fits pretty nicely with the one we just talked about. And to all of you joining us on this journey to the realm thanks so much. I'm Dr. d.

Dr. K  15:35  
And I'm Dr. K and we are looking forward to your next visit to the Executive Realm.